This Is Muh Plan...

As I mentioned in my previous post, I'm trying to drop some lbs, tone this shit UP, and generally feel better about my body and what it can do. So tonight I got my wide ass to the GYM and I rode that elliptical machine into the FRIGGIN' HORIZON, BITCHES.

I did the first 1.5 miles and then noticed that it was 6:30pm, which meant that the Zumba class that I've been too scared to try out was about to start in the Studio next to the cardio room. Was today the day I would find my cha-cha balls and attempt this exotic Zumba of lore? I dismounted my elliptical, making sure to spray my sweat (or "wheez juice" as I like to call it) off of the buttons and wonky flailing-arm handles. I grabbed my water bottle and tentatively tiptoed down the hallway to Studio A and peeped in at the 15 or so ladies standing in 3 lines in their brightly-colored cotton/spandex-blends. And my tiny cha-cha balls retracted up into my body. Alas, Zumba and Mary did not become one on this day.

I didn't have time to snap a sweet pic of me
workin' out, but I'm pretty sure I looked
somethin' like this.*

So I went back to the cardio room and selected a different elliptical, thank-you-very-much, and proceeded to run that shit OUT. I went another 1.5 miles and silently praised myself- "good job, self- that's nearly a 5k right there". Then I thought, "you know, I really like nice round numbers... I should take this to 2 miles on this machine"... so I did another half-mile. Then I thought to myself, "Aww heck, you've gone 3.5 total miles... you should really just make it a solid 4"... so I did another half-mile. And THEN I said "Alright, bitch- you've gone 4 miles... MAKE IT FIVE!!!". And I did. Buh-jam-buh!

After I gracefully exited the elliptical, again making sure to de-wheez-juice it, I triumphantly wobbled/strutted my hopefully slightly less wide ass down the hallway, past Studio A where the day-glow clad Pittsford women were awkwardly solo-salsa dancing like a militant troop of freshly-minted J.Lo clones. I may not have embraced my cha-cha balls (last time, I swear- rule of 3s!) today, but I walked out of that ladies' fitness club a champion. Because, for the first time in 3 years, I ran 5 miles and didn't die. And nobody was even chasing me.

Okay, folks- so this is my plan...

I'm going to venture out to the gymnasium at lease 4 times each week (I think this is reasonable given my rather hectic work/rehearsal/wedding-planning/life schedule) and bust out some serious cardio (between 3-5 miles each time). I will do this in the 1.5-2hr window of "free time" I have between work and rehearsal. Then I will go to rehearsal, which is conveniently located down the street from the gym. I will do this until I am skinny again, dammit.

Also, I went to Wegmans and purchased strawberries (which are currently sliced and dehydrating in my oven), and I mimicked some Terry Tiballi behavior and got a bag of green grapes and a bag of red grapes which I brought home, washed, and then portioned into little individual baggies for snacks throughout the week. Look at me- I am healthy AND domestic! #marthastewarthasnothingonme #healthybitch #praiseme #hashtagsaredumb

*complete bullshit